Walk a little farther to another plan. / You said that you did, but you didn't understand.

Today yesterday I finally put in my two week notice at BN; according to EVERYONE I KNOW it is past time. I get it -- it's been seven (almost eight?!) years, which means seven years of holiday retail, no benefits, dwindling hours and increasing pressure -- but I'll still miss aspects of it. The breaking point was when my Receiving manager told me I'd have 30 days to get my shelving speed up to "standard" which is basically only possible if you stop caring about where things go or what the store actually looks like. Even a lot of other seasoned booksellers fudge their time (though I don't [sick of shelving shifts and no longer care!], hence the potential write up)-- and with the shelves getting packed with things for the holidays it's only getting worse. Not to mention the flimsy corrugated displays that now seem to block every aisle, impeding the path of a shelving cart that is already hard to maneuver and generally heavy enough to turn your toes into pulp and your back and shoulders into taut, crampy knots. You know what that behemoth does to displays if you don't stop or turn in time? It destroys them, losing you valuable book-shoving time. You need that book-shoving time! Or, they will reprimand you. I'm ssssSSSSSOOOOO DOOOOONNNNNEEEE

That's the good news. The bad news is I lost something nice with someone nice because I am a neurotic basket case and they are an apathetic jerk. My friends say I'm better off on that one, too, but it's been a difficult few days and all that shit seems to be taking off rather than subsiding; at first I was angry, but now the hurt really has its hooks in there like a motherfucker.

Ok, The Universe, I get it: the more I care about [whatever] the more [whatever] will not give a flying fuck about me. Please cease your very painful demonstrations of this law.



What aspects of BN will I miss? Seeing the new books on Tuesdays. 90% of my co-workers. Making the shelves pretty. Getting excited with customers who ask for the good shit. Doing extra stuff for customers who need books on difficult topics (the death & grieving books, stuff on mental illness, etc). Laughing with co-workers about awful or hilarious covers. Cheap caffeine! That feeling when you find a book no one else could find for someone who really needs it.

More I won't: customers who don't acknowledge you as human (on the phone, no eye contact, just saying a book name at you with no preamble whatsoever), customers who buy hateful stuff (who also generally fall into the previous category), Slowguy "Ask a Manager" McNohelp, Obsequiousairhead Von Kissass, customers who stop you when your arms are full and don't acknowledge it in any way, "it's cheaper on Amazon," people who think I can do anything about prices or shipping time, leaving my house by 6:00(walking)-6:30(biking) am, PUSHING THE MEMBER CARD,  holiday insanity, people getting pissed off when there aren't enough cashiers, that time I grabbed a book covered in snot, bathroom messes, screaming children.

TWO WEEKS MOTHERFUCKERS

My thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth. 

My thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth. 

My thoughts were so loud.