That video's a punchy start for what will probably be a depressing post, but I was on a metal kick the other day and it makes me feel better.
There's been crap going down, and I'm kind of at my limit. Details aside, I'm tired of expecting Mutual Trustcake from someone and receiving, instead, a generous helping of Does-not-give-two-shits Pie.
I guess I don't know how I come across (on this blog or in real life), but I don't think I'm that hard to get along with -- it's not often that I'm legitimately angry about something. I have a hard time getting close to people sometimes because of a lot of past shit, but if you're ostensibly my friend and you know some of that about me (because I trust you and talk about it)... isn't it worse when you then take advantage of my trust in exactly the manner you know I've been struggling with and which has been damaging to me? I don't know if I'm explaining myself very well, but this whooooole thiiiing is bullshit.
I guess it's that age-old question "Why do humans fuck each other over so much?" ...and the more recent question, "How do you mentally justify yourself taking advantage of/being a huge asshole to another person to the point of losing a friendship -- before abruptly shrugging off the conversation entirely so that you can go play Orcs Must Die."
Tldr; never hope or trust?
It's not so bad -- I got to hang out with some spectacular people this past weekend, and that definitely helped. I just feel really betrayed and angry, and there are swarms of questions buzzing around in my brain -- that are basically just "Why? Why would you do this?" -- and driving me slowly mad until I theoretically scream them into someone's face, purging them from my psyche.
There's also the usual part of my brain going no one fucking caaaares. Nothing has any inherent meaning; you're a damn fool and people are sick of hearing about your shit.
Yeah, sorry. A real carnival of laughs, this post.
I'm out.
* * *
said the brown dog to the hen;
but just because they were animals
doesn't mean they couldn't have been men
Oh, let' s go down to Bremen;
take my paw in your hand
and we'll sing for our supper,
in that freest of the freest --
people need to see us --
the freest of the freest land.
It was part of the plan:
everybody would stand
on their hind legs:
hands holding high the other.
Like a tower of brothers.
* * *
Then there's my father
he's always looking on
the bright side
Saying things like
“Son, life just ain’t that hard”
He is the grand optimist,
I am the world’s poor pessimist
You give him burdens sometimes
and he will escape unscarred
I guess I take after my mother.
But this is not a cry for pity or for sympathy
