Heartbreak and the symbolic real

She said "History don't catch a thing;
unseen we slip under
that pendulum swing --
and for a heartbeat only, pet

(Planck length, pixel
Mandelbrot set)

time grinds the cave with painted walls,
love and anguish, whippoorwill calls,
a hand picking mint, a hummingbird's glint
young monk squinting, line of print --
the curling
of your collarbone,
words aloud when you're alone.

Oh
Won't you be my Serengeti?
Wandered desert, hot and sweaty;
a blush of pink, that heatwave wink.
Old and dry with nothing to drink.

Daylight licked me into shape // I must have been asleep for days

Well, got a few things done today; I think I'm going to try finishing up our stream setup so X(AKA CILANTRO) and I can play some vidya games -- I don't know if the computer I'm currently using for TF2 can handle it but we'll see how that goes.

I also found out recently that Jennifer Charles, the singer for Elysian Fields (see awesomeness below:)

is also in a band called Lovage:

So that was cool to discover -- her voice is sexy as heeeellll  O.O

I need to wrap presents and all that crap... guys
GUYS.
GUYYYYS.
I just want the holidays to be over, already.

Annnd...more songs.

I opened up my eyes and found myself alone

alone alone

above a raging sea

Another head aches, another heart breaks --

I'm so much older than I can take --

and my affection, well...

it comes and goes.

What is this blog thing

I'm drinking beer at Flying Pie, trying to think very little about things today. Three beers in (I'm such a lightweight lately!) that's easier; I caught up on Beyond the Boundary, and I'm watching through Ano Natsu De Matteru despite its RIDICULOUS premise. I was also recommended Sword Art Online, which I really enjoyed aside from SO MUCH IDEALISM. The characters have the best magical-goddamn relationship ever and then there's some objectivist-princess-rescuing bologna. I don't know; I still really liked it, it just got really ridiculous sometimes -- and maybe it's hard to see a relationship so perfect given my current subjective bullshit.

Hey, I draw things sometimes too. That seems like a much better topic.

The penguin might need some work; not sure how I feel about his shading.

Goddamn, The Beer; you really pack a punch.

I think I'm going to go home and see if I can get on some TF2 -- I feel like I could use some burninating today. MAYBE IT'S THE BEER, YO.

P.S. Now I'm at home and my brother has TMBG on and this makes me inexplicably & extremely happy/bittersweet. Oh, particle man. Just keep on doin' those things a particle can.

Stole me a dog-eared map // and called for you everywhere

Up and running on presents this week, thank goodness. I finished one yesterday, and am most of the way on a second...have I mentioned how much I love my new drawing program? We're also getting the house cleaned today, so I'm taking the chance to catch up on some cleaning of my own. It's coming along -- nice to de-clutter a bit. I'm putting a box together to take by the SA (and maybe stop in for more books! The last time I was there I found all kinds of goodies*) and I think I'm going to swing by the dollar store because I live the cray-cray high life, yo. This has been your thrilling dispatch from Boring World.

*(This book, this book, this book, this book, & this book -- and the FLCL soundtrack?! I don't even know.)


P.S. Have a panda

But that was many years from now --

& I hope from here on out

I always seem to want to shout

"Your eyes are like a cup o' tea;

ascend into the sun with me."

My mind is filled with ghosts --

they're more than most of all my loves gone wrong

Don't let it whip-crack your life,

and I'll bow out from the fight --

those old pious sisters were right:

the worst part is over.

Now: get back on that horse
and ride.

Moving along to the beat of a song

I was sick today, but I made it to my first (official) stream :3 It was fun! Someone posted some fanfic and I foolishly decided to draw it (well, foolishly considering alllll the other crap I have to do this week; THANKS, THE HOLIDAYS). It's looking ok so far for a sketchy, thrown together thing. I drew some other stuff too, so I guess I should stick those up here as well.

I've got a few more things in the works as well, sooo... there will be things here later? I'm not really sure why I bother sometimes -- but that's probably the being-sick talking. I'm gonna crash; I'm beat.

I've been getting loose with my tongue and free with my hands 

How can I expect you to understand who I am?

This fuckin' day

Well, tonight I threw up off a bridge, so I can cross that off my bucket list. Though in this case I just wish I'd been at home, and with an actual bucket. Also many other terrible things happened. Hey, let's look at pictures now.

Annnd...I'm going to bed. I hope I feel better tomorrow; I called in to work, but I want to wake up early and see how I feel because that's a good chunk of hours I'm missing :/
fff

Just a piece of time in the world

Kind of a melancholy day. Making a lot of progress on projects though.
I found out that my Grandma's not doing so well. She hasn't been eating or taking care of herself, and everyone's pretty freaked out about it. I feel really helpless about the whole thing -- I was trying to think of something I could do to help, but I honestly don't know how. I'm working on a picture for her, but I don't know if it'll help or not... we have very different interpretations of the world, and it makes me unsure how to comfort her because I know that what I personally find comforting is kind of odd anyway, and might...I don't know, unsettle her? Maybe it's that I want to talk to her about what she's going through, but our established relationship dynamic kind of prevents me from that. Anyway, the helplessness makes me really fucking annoyed with myself. Actually, I guess the helplessness just kind of adds to the stack at this point. What the fuck, self? What the fuck are you doing.

Gahhhhh.

(We all go through it together,

but we all go at it alone)

And I don't want to fence you --

I know that I sense you

have someone else's heart.

And I have a sliver of love now;

I won't push and shove now

(I hope you come around).

Tending to motion

Well, on my way back from Washington (which was delightful); Bellingham really is a beautiful city -- I should probably have taken more pictures of the bay and the architecture around town. They have an AWESOME local bookstore and, while it can get a little cold, everything is green and gorgeous (there are plants and moss eeeeeverywhere; I love it). Their streets are insane, though.

I'm in the airport now, which seems weirdly devoid of time. The person sitting next to you may be just starting their journey, or they may have been travelling for days. People are sleeping on benches, getting a drink at the bar or a cup of coffee in the cafe. Breakfast or dinner? Early or late? The time of the actual place (somewhat) ceases to matter as your own personal little bubble of travel time goes along with you from airport to airport like another carry-on.
Okay, I just re-read that paragraph...man, I hope I can get some sleep today -- I think I need it.

Heeere's some links:

Pussy Riot and Zizek being buddies (as they should)

Mechanical bacteria death!

Body in motion

Well howdy there! I'm traveling for Thanksgiving, so I'm sitting at the Seattle airport currently, wishing for a place I could have a smoke to help the 4 hour(!) layover go a bit faster. The day has already included me almost face-planting on an escalator and breaking the heel of my shoe in a separate incident. Ah, holiday travel.

The plane ride was nice, though; I got a little jittery taking off and landing, as it's been some time since I last flew... but coming in over Seattle I had a dreamy view of the city, toy buildings stretching upwards, and along the edge of the fog bank the space needle peeking out like a buoy on a cresting wave. I wish I'd taken a picture, but you'll have to be entertained by some (unrelated but still excellent) videos instead, SO THERE. Now to go try to kill 4 hours without nicotine.

This machine gives backrubs

Where have I been, you ask? Oh, on all sorts of grand adventures. Why, just a few nights ago I was kidnapped by a mad and delightful tribe of wild lesbians. They named me their ambassador and fed me beer and bagels and coffee cake. Life is good!

In other news, my friend X has some plans in the works to get us live-streaming some games in the future -- which I am totally down for. I've been watching through a few particular Let's Play channels that I've really been enjoying (largely the likes of Retsupurae and Supergreatfriend), and I've been toying with the idea of sending the Retsupurae gents a playthrough of some old Sierra games -- so, now that I have a way to capture and record them, that may very well happen!

I also had a t-shirt design up for voting on threadless, but no dice there, unfortunately -- though the number of low votes I received was enough to make me somewhat suspicious that other people will downvote designs just to keep their own design scores high... but  しょうがない

Hope you're faring well out there, fellow creatures.

Spent a week in a dusty library

waiting for some words to jump at me.

We met by a trick of fate;

French navy, my sailor mate.

We met by the moon on a silvery lake;

you came my way, said:

I want you to stay

You -- with your dietary restrictions --

said you loved me

with a lot of conviction.

I was waiting to be struck by lightning;

waiting for somebody exciting,

like you.

Oh, the thing that you do --

you make me go "oooooh"

with the things that you do (you do, you do).

Call it

All the way live

and, every night, the bullets:

flying.

Even if you ain’t dying,

you a traumatized survivor.

When you grow up in a climate of

overriding violence,

you will never get beyond it -- it’ll always be

inside you.

And death?

Just surrounds you:

fallen classmates’ ghosts haunt you,

crime just calls you 'cause

you look

at what you walk through.

Ain’t certain if you’ll make it --

ain’t sure you even

want to.

...

(Tearsandsorrow

blockthesunlight

headlow heartbroke

eyesclosed tonguetied

Waters raise the tide

is climbing

Speeding time the sky is

crying

shots are fired

bombs & sirens war & riots

mourning

in America)

...

Now

that society forgot you, and they locked you

in an obstacle course where nothing’s possible --

if you slip up and they caught you,

they got boxes where they

lock you

make a million dollars off you.

...

They say they built our nation

for a reason --

then they stained it

with the bleeding

of the slaves that never seen it.

I ain’t hating (I still wanna believe it),

and I’m not trying

to leave it,

I just

call it how I see it.

It's cold outside; there's no kind of atmosphere

"Mildred, let's chase that dragon"

(You and me and the galaxy.)

All this love of mine -- / all my precious time

September's been flying right along in my corner of the world -- I have a bunch of correspondence to keep up on right now, Halloween costume stuff, art to work on (as always), and work -- not to mention a plethora of plans and events for the week! I went out on Saturday to the first year anniversary of the Space Bar with some friends and a (delightful) new acquaintance; it was my first time there, and it was a total blast!

I've been mulling some big things over lately, but haven't really reached any sort of conclusion as to where my head's at... I think in the coming weeks I'm going to have to hike up to the foothills with a notebook or something, and try to lay out where I'm going and what my feelings are -- for now it's a little easier to take things day by day, but that only works for so long.
Well, change is always a struggle, I suppose. Now, here's a silly leopard (and some other stuff)!

This empty heart you left me with:

the ribbon on my parting gift.

I'm falling hard

for every yard

of the dream you sold me

dream you sold me

A colorful quiet

Introvert -- an excavator

Oh, for that anything, anything I'll dare

Ho there, internets. It's been a little while. Recent adventures include: having no idea what to say to my family about anything, having no idea what to say to anyone else about anything, and fending off trashed frisbee golfers [horrible details redacted]. GOSH WHAT ADVENTURES THEY WERE. D8

I downloaded a trial version of RPG maker and have been slogging away learning mapping (and trying to piece out game design in general). I can't decide if it's a great exercise for me or if it will slowly drive me mad. TIME WILL TELL, WOT WOT.

Can you tell the caps come out when I'm drunk? If not: oops, busted.

What I'm searching for?

To tell it straight: I'm trying to build a wall.

Walking by myself down avenues

that reek of time to kill.

If you see me keep going -- be a pass-by-waver.

Build me up, bring me down...just leave me out, you name-dropper.

Stop trying to catch my eye; I see you good, you forced faker.

Just make it easy.

You're my enemy, you

fast talker.

I can say: I hope it will be worth

what I give up

Castella feels / Book sandwich / オタク 兵長

***

***

Also whaaat

PWD

How to make Wikipedia perform an impression of the Fonz:

1. Go here
2. Select play from the audio clip on the right

Yup.

"In other words, the organism sucks orderliness from its surroundings"

(Oh hi there; everything's terrible.)

悲しい よ

Grief and ghosts

fff