Love is coming back

 

Tired things

This month has been a dang roller coaster. I tried to fold myself into work for a week or so, squeezed by the pressure of looming deadlines and upcoming birthdays (ugh). Instead I apparently just managed to aaaaalienate my faaaaaamily. Everything's a mess!

Been catchin up on weeaboo stuuuffff. Fucked with the redbubble store a bit. Fkhghblgnkdhgs

Text is a graphic thing / / / The wind will know your name / And you don't have to run / You don't have to change

Hail, friendos!

It's a perfect rainy day here -- warm and drizzly and nice :)

I'm catching up on stuff, so I figured I'd drop an update here as well... a lot's been going on! I found a new doctor to try to even out some of my medications, I got a new rat friend (two, really: Edgar and Hiram -- but Hiram I've been taking in for a friend, and heeee's....not really fitting in unfortunately :c He keeps biting Edgar, and I haven't been able to spend as much time with him as I'd like in order to get him the socialization he needs); I also have a couple of illustration gigs on the table(?!?!!?!?!!??), which I'm planning to focus on this week O_O My back continues to make popping noises in new and UNFORTUNATEinteresting ways. I have SO MANY WAIFU, and I have been reading ALL THE LIBRARY THINGS

HEY speaking of library thiiiings:

I CAN'T STOP LISTENING to the new(ish) Future Islands album The Far Field. It's SO GOOD YOU GUYS.

FUTURE ISLANDS IS FUCCCCKKING AMAAAAZIIINGGGGG

OMGGGGGGGGGGG   \;O;/

* * *

Weave songs of loving late,

Dream songs of dying.

Recite the oakwood flame:

rings count my olden days

I’ve seen the beaches,

breached the peak of ‘please,’ and ‘thanks.’

I’ve seen my features age --

my fingers, strange.

From the dew

From the dew of the fields

we grew

* * *

PLEASE support this excellent band with dollars if you can. I'm looking for their CDs at the upcoming library sale, and if I can't find them there I'm going online for themmmm. THEY ARE SO GOOOOD

I'm also (finally) starting to listen to the other CDs I checked out from the library, including FJM's album, Pure Comedy:

These mammals are hell-bent
on fashioning new gods

so they can go on being godless animals

So that's good so far :o

I'm gonna post about many books soon! For now, here are some more musics, and I hope you are all well out in the world, lovely things. ♥

* * *

* * *

Was it real? When we held our hands
close to flame, just to feel?

I’ll show you the way:
just walk beside the low stream,
until it fades
into a honey colored field --
the wind will know your name,
and you don’t have to change.
You don’t have to change.

Love is real.

Our love was real.
It’s a hand,
It’s a hold.
It’s a shield.

Our love was real.
Our love was real.
It’s to hope, it’s to dream.
It’s to heal.

It’s to heal.

Searchlight Soul // Hold on to love //

Just a wee update -- I'm busy cleaning my house today, organizing and bouncing between projects. I've been working on some things to upload to Redbubble, as well as rearranging and busting out some general spring cleaning. I only have two tiny, thin windows in the attic so it gets dusty as fuuuuck up here, and just stuffy and gross. I'm really looking forward to nicer weather just so I can start getting fresh air in here on a regular basis...and so I can tackle some gardening projects! Aw sheeeit, The Garden: you don't even fucking know the plans I have for thee. *flexes with gardening implements*

I threw on a bunch of Soundgarden this morning and it's left me pumped as hell. I didn't post anything here when Chris Cornell died, but it hit me hard -- Soundgarden was hugely iconic to me as a young thing first venturing into the world, and his lyrics still resonate with me so much.

Also: FUCKING SAME with Dolores O'Riordan?? It's like the formative inspirations for my early adult life just fucked off the earth all at once. Goddamnit.

* * *
Cry, if you want to cry
If it helps you see
If it clears your eyes
* * *

We'll get rid of the locks, but we're keeping the keys

I PAID MY LIBRARY FINES. This means you kids are getting a book post soon. Oh! Such book post! Many graphic novel! Much reads!

I'm gonna be doing some much-needed medication-adjusting soon...otherwise things are pretty good! I have good people. The best people.

* * *

Words you say never seem to live up to the ones inside your head
The lives we make never seem to ever get us anywhere but dead

* * *



* * *

don't you lock up something
that you wanted to see fly;
hands are for shaking,
not tying
not tying

Kali in the west

I guess you never really know her --
‘cause the goddess ain't a shower -- she’s a sower
greenling grower, wheel within a whirring mower
she's drought, rain shower,
flash of power,
pins-and-needles midnight hour

more often than naught,
she’s bloom,
blossom,
rot --
she’s catcher
and caught

summer sun, the sweet starlight
harvest, bounty, appetite
egg and feather,
nest and flight
fall leaves alight
acorns, snowdrop
winter white
icy wood wrapped thick with night
hunger picking bones to gnaw
root and jaw,
antler, paw,
blood red and raw --
and luck
and law

her crimson claw,
the yawning maw.
frost, bite
spring thaw

ᐂ // for the headpats

GREETINGS MY SWEET LITTLE SUGARBABIES

Well hello there! It's time for another round of rambles and silliness from me, a silly person.

I have about fifteen million internet-appropriated pictures on my phone that I'm going to post eveeeentually(?) but, gol durnit, it has been just TOO LONG since a general news post -- and there's been a lot going on. It is not even February yet! IT IS NOT EVEN FEBRUARY YET

I'm wavering around new approaches to remaining positive this year -- partially because it is highly necessary. I've also been trying to call myself on my own bullshit, sometimes out loud for redundancy. It's still a little bumpy, and I've had some backslides, but: ever forward, whatever forward may entail. I'm in the process of contacting my prior counselor and calling the EAP for some extra support, and I may be tweaking medication stuff or...ugh, something.

My grandpa keeps having strokes, which has been very complicated, both feelings-wise and logistically. I'm still untangling said complicated feelings, so maybe another time, my dudes.

I got a rad af coat??? I'm nnnneverrrr taking it off. I almost threw up on it but saved it dramatically. I also fell down the stairs because I am Good At Injuring Myself™ Then I was bitten by a dog! D: Then I fucked up my knee. My brother's been dealing with a lot of awful shit and I've been trying to support him. I keep! fucking up! and missing work! Needless to say, it's been...kind of a crazy start to the new year. I have been drawing A SHITTON. I wrote a thing I'm kind of ok with? That hasn't happened in awhile. Additionally, I'm updating here! I'm definitely cashing in some headpats today. This is good bc I have been needing them. Luckily I have THE LOVELIEST!!! humans around me who give me a good supply, thank fuckk.

yes headpats

What else? Idk, I'm pretty stressed out but...I just gotta jump back on that mental health train. I wish winter was over.

huhuhuhubutts

HEY YOU KNOW WHAT'S GREAT? RAD STUFF!!!:

THIS IS AAAAAAMAZING

Ancient Magus Bride go watch it nowwwww

@0@

End of post! You made it! You read all the stuff! As a reward, everything after the cut is naughty NSFW pictures of pretty pretty ladies I stole from the internet! PEACE FRANDS

\oOo/

The book jams // Pour words // The beauty of things was born before eyes and sufficient to itself

Hi hi hi! It's been a million years, but are you guys ready for A MILLION RAD BOOK THINGS

I'm gonna go ahead and cut here because this post is HUGE, so keep reading if you care about The Book Ramblings

Just a quiet little poem + some silliness // (Giant book post soooon)

Bower

I guess I take a little while to unravel
slow-woven nest
I'd rather build than travel
but this songbird when she sings
says none shall ever clip my wings
a cage would weight me straight into the gravel

P.S.

Haunts

I still find myself haunted by red trucks, and the gravity of complicated dreams. The morning is calm and distant; it is weightless and clear and cool. Someone is making coffee. The squirrels' chase and chatter, an early sprinkler's clatter:

chhhk

chhhk

             chhhk

                         kkkksssssshhhhhh

Far away, I am giving up the revolution; I am settling on terms, I am ceding ground. I remember your back, curving, digging a cat's grave, stooped in sorrow. I think of other ghosts -- presences measured solely by the weight of their own nonexistence, an empty outline suggesting the shape of what's missing. Other ghosts.


paint cracks on my fingers
morning lingers

Got life

pebbles before avalanches

HAY DOODS. I've been wanting to hop on here again for awhile, but...I feel like there's so much to catch up on (too much). It's been too long!

I've been doing a million things, some of which includes slowly setting up art stuff on tumblr. Other things include projects at work, making it to work(!), balancing out and buckling down, sitting still and running around.

I really need to start posting regularly again -- if only to decompress my brain a little bit. I started doing yoga? I've done yoga once. I've been reading a llloOTTA GOOOD SHIT OMG. I was gonna just slather pictures of books and walls of text on this post, but there's...just too much, and I should really do writeups for the good stuff. Also I might have a giant anime mish-mash post soon? I mean can we TALK about Konosuba

We have a new roommate, which is amazing. My brain is sometimes still trash, which is not.

huhuhuhuhuhuhuhu

Someday I'll have the patience to write (more) about this movie and book and how fucking rad they are.

 ....aaaand that's it for me for now, I think

I, I can't sit still, 'cause

I'm no mountain

I, I can't sit so still, 'cause I'm no mountain

I can't sit still forever

(I'm no mountain)

Sullied mop and rusted pail / centuries of poison

Dear Father

who art in heaven

Hollow be thy name

Witches confused by their own magic

Witches displeased by their own perfume

Shame-locked women

Shaman women fuming with shame

Love-locked women

Women their own magic women

Hacksaws to hand grenades // Too much, too late, too far, too gone // I'm not formed of myself alone

Did the world get a little bit colder?
No wiser, just a little bit older
So slow that we're bound to fall over, oh

Did the heart grow a little bit harder
Too much, too late, too far, too gone


From here there's nothing but horizon
Near dawn, I'm searching for the sunrise
Remember when you put the stars into my eyes, oh

Wasn't it kind of wonderful

...could I really somehow be bulletproof against you
shotgunnin' across my mind
and I've taken you back too many times -- could I be armored against you, too?
Against all the ways that words cut through
against promises breaking into open wounds and
the resulting scars.

Used to pray -- hope for a miracle; two thumbs up for making me cynical

They said I'd gone south
Said I'd gone asunder
They don't know hunger or what I been under
They were all laughing
Thought I was debris
I was just free

NOT DEAD

A billion things?! IT HAS BEEN SO LONG, MY LITTLE CAULIFLOWERS

HEY I WENT ACROSS A WHOLE COUNTRY TO SEE TWO FANTASTIC PEOPLE PLEDGE TO BEGIN A COMPLETELY NEW AND AMAZING JOURNEY TOGETHER, BORNE ON A VESSEL OF LOVE, COMFORT, & COMPANIONSHIP
it was rad ok

Click below for many pictures!